End to Samsara..
Finally, its over...I suddenly feel I have ended a roller coaster ride that seems to go forever. When there's a start , there's always an end...to life and death. I do not wish to go into more details as all my friends and loved one who have catch up with me know what actually happened to me past period of low profile.
I had my reasons and I had to do it as a duty. After overcoming this ordeal, I felt the true meaning of " its too late to recover something when its' lost" We lost our stuffs b4 ..be it wallet , ipods, etc..and we would be heart ache for certain period of time and when we replaced them, the heartache often disappear and we forget about the lost items that are so precious to us in the past.
Its different with living things...pets, friends, family and loved ones. To me, the pain and regret is eternal. I regretted not spending more time with my mum..I took things for granted on many occasions..thinking she would be there for me and I could always spend time with her next day...etc...irresponsible excuses that only a coward would use! I was a bastard on many occasions.....
life is so unexpected...death can come instantaneous or dragging slow that we would be constantly under pain and regret. For the past 2 years, I learn not to take granted for all...Never assume that somebody will always be there for you when you never make the effort to shower attention on them. Always appreciate what they have done for you.
For family and for love, I have been reminding myself everyday. But err is to human, I am trying hard.
As for now onwards, I just want to move on and treasure those around me, my family and of course one that love me...and friends.
Human beings are pretty weird sometimes.... they can be easily swayed by sudden course of events...and their beliefs and faith are threatened. There's a lot of things we can't control in life...and things we just have to go thru cos its inevitable. We might grumbled and think otherwise at times but that's human. It works the same for me too. But what's important is that to have the constant encouragement and understanding from our loved ones that would pulled us thru. No doubt it can be emotionally draining and demanding but that is the challenge in life. It is not always easy to be selfless and takes lot of courage and determination. Some just give up:(
But at the end of it, the fruit is for all to enjoy...I believe 先苦后甜， 苦境干来。 When we achieve our objective thru much hardship, then we will treasure them forever.
What I would love to do now is to have a good sleep and hopefully go for a short holiday with you (if you are free) ..to recharge myself and also making up for the lost time which I have been feeling guilty since the sudden course of event.
I am still the same me..my feelings never changed.